More fictional character tweets

Garrett started helping.

Gregor Samsa:
@Bugaboo As long as I’m stuck here on my bed, I might as well introduce myself to the internet. Hello, internet. I am getting good at typing with my antennae. #madskillz

Dorian Grey:
@BeautyEterne Got me a pretty picture. Of me. It’s so pretty. I’m so pretty. I’m really too pretty for this picture, but I’ll keep it anyway. Gonna go have sex with eight girls now.

Lemuel Gulliver:
@LiliputnGiant These Houyhnhnms are a hoot, and very smart. But don’t try to ride them. Ever. Ever. Everrrr. #owie #gutcheck

Garrett’s (@licensedpoet on Tumblr):

Macbeth, Macbeth
@ThaneofGlamis My wife is insane. Really. I tell her I had a dream about breakfast waffles and she demands that I kill the king and raid his cupboard or no sex. #WTF #FML

Voldemort, Harry Potter series
@DkLrdKillPtr4TW @LusciousLucius You’re late with my prophecy. If you’re not back here by midnight I’m turning your wife into a whorecrux. That goes for all of you. #DeathEatrz

Slim, Of Mice and Men
@SlimButPowerful @KillBigFellas Thought u oughtta kno ur wife was hangin round Candy’s bunk last nite. She lookd a lil flustred when I came in. Mayb u should get lojack 4her. XD

Roland Deschain, The Dark Tower series
@LastGunslingr Made it past the edge of the forest without killing Eddie. He kept telling his so-called “dead baby jokes”.  Tomorrow he shall build the fire. With his teeth.

Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
@C4tcht3hRy3now Walking in the park. These ppl are all fakes. Fake smiles & fake jeans. Phonies. If you read this you’re probably phony, too. #peoplewatching #existntlangst

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