Garrett started helping.
@Bugaboo As long as I’m stuck here on my bed, I might as well introduce myself to the internet. Hello, internet. I am getting good at typing with my antennae. #madskillz
@BeautyEterne Got me a pretty picture. Of me. It’s so pretty. I’m so pretty. I’m really too pretty for this picture, but I’ll keep it anyway. Gonna go have sex with eight girls now.
@LiliputnGiant These Houyhnhnms are a hoot, and very smart. But don’t try to ride them. Ever. Ever. Everrrr. #owie #gutcheck
Garrett’s (@licensedpoet on Tumblr):
@ThaneofGlamis My wife is insane. Really. I tell her I had a dream about breakfast waffles and she demands that I kill the king and raid his cupboard or no sex. #WTF #FML
Voldemort, Harry Potter series
@DkLrdKillPtr4TW @LusciousLucius You’re late with my prophecy. If you’re not back here by midnight I’m turning your wife into a whorecrux. That goes for all of you. #DeathEatrz
Slim, Of Mice and Men
@SlimButPowerful @KillBigFellas Thought u oughtta kno ur wife was hangin round Candy’s bunk last nite. She lookd a lil flustred when I came in. Mayb u should get lojack 4her. XD
Roland Deschain, The Dark Tower series
@LastGunslingr Made it past the edge of the forest without killing Eddie. He kept telling his so-called “dead baby jokes”. Tomorrow he shall build the fire. With his teeth.
Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
@C4tcht3hRy3now Walking in the park. These ppl are all fakes. Fake smiles & fake jeans. Phonies. If you read this you’re probably phony, too. #peoplewatching #existntlangst